Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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