there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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