I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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