you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
