is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
