I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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