I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
