Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
