i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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