chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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