I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
