long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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