I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
