You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
