I got chris browned last night
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
