Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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