I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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