If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
