went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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