Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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