So drunk its hurt
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
