Cold hands, warm shart.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
