Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
