2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
