Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
