And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
