It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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