I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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