Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
