She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
