I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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