Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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