take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
