Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
