My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everything about him screamed your future.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
