Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
