I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
