Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
