But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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