Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
