You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just gift wrapped bread.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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