My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
