i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
