no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
