wanna go halves on a baby?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
