I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
