if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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