why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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