Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
