I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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